a l e a ‘ s m i n d

ternyata aku begitu rapuh
tak bisa setegar yang ku harap
di depan mereka aku masih bisa sembunyi
masih bisa tertawa dan bercanda

namun tatkala kusendiri
berteman sepi dalam sunyi
tiada lg bisa kusembunyi
sesak itu semakin penuh dalam dadaku
menyesak seperti bom waktu yang siap meledak kapanpun
membuatku sulit bernafas
darahku melaju begitu cepat
jantungku berdetak layaknya genderang
dan air mataku terkadang mengiringi…

rapuh, retak, dan hampir pasti hancur hatiku saat ini
sejuta tanya dan bimbang menari dalam pikirku
mengharap jawab pasti itu
sebuah kejujuran yang amat berharga
akan semua ragu dan resah risauku
sepahit apapun itu kan kutelan
dan semoga kumasih dapat berdiri tegak setelahnya
dan tetap  melangkah dengan pasti
dengan senyum mengembang di bibirku

*wrote on 290608

the truth…

might be difficult to tell…

the truth…

might be hard to say…

the truth…

might be hurting…

but,
the truth…

is always better than a lie

even if it would make you shock

when you know it

so,
have you be honest?

at least to yourself??

missed my blog…
yeah, I didn’t check it for so long!
pretty busy in and out of the field…
haha, now I have a little time
wanna write again…
telling a story…
what’z on my mind!
even if i’m pretty busy
working on some reports i should finish within a month!
crazy!!!!

yeps!
I have got back to bandung!
I’m happy, though!
trully!

but, I’m a li’l bit sad,
coz I’m loosing my internet access!
yeps, I have to go to the internet cafe…
or ask my friend’s login to access internet at school

[sigh]…
so hard for me…
throwing money for this internet access!

what should be done?

Hepi Iedul Adha…
"Selamat Hari Raya Haji"
begitu warga Singapore menyebut hari ini dalam kalender mereka

phew,,,
akhirnya aku merasakan juga ber-Hari Raya Iedul Adha tidak bersama keluarga
setelah suatu waktu yang lalu aku pun pernah ber-Iedul FItri tanpa keluarga…

Hampa…
yeps!!! hampa terasa berlebaran tanpa bersama keluarga tercinta…
tapi…
syahdu dan haru makna lebaran itu jadi makin terasa olehku…

pagi tadi, saat ku pergi tuk mencari masjid dimana bisa ku sholat Ied…
dan akhirnya kutemukan…
(walau bukan masjid yang sebenarnya hendak dituju)
Masjid An-Nahdah nama masjid itu… di daerah Bishan letaknya
sayup-sayup kudengar takbir berkumandang dari masjid itu
makin lama makin jelas…
dan makin kudengar…
hingga kudapatkan tempat shaf-ku…
jantungku berdegup,,,
kencang dan makin kencang…
dan tak kuasa ku menahan haru biru suasana Iedul Adhaku kali ini…
air mataku pun turun mengiringi lantunan takbir…
yang coba ku-rangkai di hatiku melalui bibirku…

Ya 4jJI Ya Robbi!!!
Terima kasih atas limpahan rahmatMu…
atas Iedul Adha yang kau berikan tahun ini kepadaku…

Berpacu dalam…. waktu!
( dengan gaya intonasi si om kus hendratmo, pembawa acara berpacu dalam melodi)

Yeps! begitulah keadaan aku saat ini!
Trying to get anything done over here!
no matter what…
I should finish my work,
then complete the data,
than bring it back to bandung
as well as my ticket to fly from batam to bandung

yeps! my time is running out!
been like this for these few weeks…
then I only have 3 more days left before my flight to bandung

yeps, so tired!
so sleepy!
so bored!
but I can do nothing, unless get it through!
finish it all!

yeps! i wish i can make it!
you can do it umi!
caiyyo!!!

[phew]…
just got back from my day trip to Pulau Ubin
(top right side of Singapore, according to the map ;p)
I was rent bicycle for a day and riding all over the island
from south to west, then went to east and at the last was north
I had fun! even if that was rain during the day
sometimes the sun was coming, but not for long
I might have more fun if it were sunny day

[phew]…
so tired!!! but I had fun for the whole day over there…
and I feel free on my mind…
seems like I had refreshed my thought…
of the whole things (esp: lab work!) that made me crazy so far…

[phew]…
then I can give the first sweetest smile after "glum"

[phew]…
I definitely have to go to bed,
so I can awake early and ready to continue my lab work!
with the new feeling!!!!
and wish it will be good!!!

[phew]…
i’ll write my ubin journey tomorrow, probably…

[sigh]…
masih saja ada…
yah… masih saja ada kerikil di depanku…
kukira setelah secercah cahaya itu datang menghampiriku
tak kan ada lagi aral menghadang…
ternyata aku salah…!

yah…masih saja ada hambatan…
kukira aku bisa mempercepat langkahku kmarin…
setelah cahaya itu datang…
tapi…
harap memang tak selalu sejalan dengan kenyataan…
dan aku hanya bisa berharap…
dan terus berharap…
di sisa 10 hariku di sini…
aku bisa mencapai target yang ada!

yah…
10 hari lagi…
sebelum tanggal kepulanganku, seperti tercantum dalam tiketku
semoga aku bisa menyelesaikan semuanya dengan baik
semoga 4jJI memudahkan langkahku…
menyingkirkan semua batu dan kerikil tajam di depanku…
dan aku dapat pulang tidak hanya dengan hasil sekuensingku…
tapi juga dengan senyum…
senyum bahagia karna aku berhasil!!!

yeah, I wish that will happen to me!!!
we’ll see…

[sigh]…
finally…
hari ni kudapatkan setitik embun pengharapan…
sebuah pencerahan pada apa yang terjadi padaku akhir2 ini…
secuil jawaban akan banyak tanya yang menari-nari di otakku akhir2 ini…

yups, i can stand in my shoes again!!
don’t wanna fall again!!
keep on trying, umi!!
keep moving on your way!!
figure it out!
remember you ABC-key for your dream!
that’s the answer!

*I wish I can get some more dew tomorrow and the day after,
and the day after…

dunno why…?
i still couldn’t figure it out!
what i’m doing and what for?
what it is suppose to be or how to do my troubleshooting?

aaaarrrggggg!!!!!
i feel bad! it’s true…
i’m confuse…
i think i get lost…
dunno how to figure it out?

yeah, i must figure it out asap!
what the main goal i do this lab work?
what i wanna get from this?
which part i’ve to study?
what is that means?
if it is like this, than what?
if not, why?
…

aaaarrrgggghhhhh!!!!!
i hate myself rite now!
I know i suppose not do this!
I should trying and trying!
read, learn, and work hard!
figure it out soon, umi!
your time to be here is running out!
and you have done nothing!

this is not you!
please come back!
be the real you…

you…
that never give up!
you…
that always keep moving on!
self motivator!
always believe in yourself!

hey, you can handle it!
you only have to keep on trying!
do more and more!
trying to figure it out…
and you will know
and you can feel it!

*it’s easy to say, but very hard to do it!
somebody help me, please…